Love him also love her comrades accused of love and worry about falling in love with the girlfriend

Whenever the sex minority LGBTQ, homosexuals are the majority of the media visit, the content of his / their love story, how to be outside discrimination, against the theme, homosexuals and victims, as if secretly painted equal sign Bisexual (Bisexual) voice, although the same belongs to the LGBTQ group, it is rare. 

Anger (a pseudonym) that is a bisexual, she asked the reporter, to record the words of her to share, because she hopes that through her real voice, the outside world can understand the masses, the following is her personal Confession

I am a bisexual, I have always thought that bisexuals are more qualified than homosexuals, saying that love is a person who is sexless. I once liked two men, two women, but really loved, only one "she".

The first "he" is my middle school student, my whole middle school career almost every day with him through, together classes, class, warm book, lunch, with him, a kind of very close, comfortable Feeling, of course, our character, values are very similar, so we have been able to say nothing, but I just simply like him, did not force to be with him. 

Until the matriculation, the school appeared a new teacher, initially I just because of the homework, and with her more contact, we often left to the school closed the moment, the topic is also slowly by homework, extended to different interests, Mind, trouble, or my condemnation, I always vaguely feel, compared to other students, she seemed to me too much care, gentle. 

Do not know when to start, every time I see her, my heart is always fast Bu Bu beating, and when I saw her chat with other students, the heart actually appeared a hint of jealousy.

Once, because of this heartbeat, jealousy feeling, I suspect that she likes her. However, I persuaded myself to be an ordinary girl, confused the sexual orientation, because I think of the picture with the other kiss, I suddenly felt: no, and I can not accept a little homosexuality, so it will exclude the possibility of the same. 

And then in college, I met another favorite object, is a man, so I am more convinced that I like other girls, I like men, but I was confused at high school, I have always thought 

Then I met her again, and I was just mentioned, the only one who really loved it. She is my good friend, just met when I was not too much affection for her, she is an elusive person, hippie smile behind, as if buried a lot of her real feelings, but as we become familiar 

When she shares her growth experience with me, I suddenly find that we are very similar, because I am also a small lack of family warm people, "family" for me, just a vague concept. Her inner pain, loneliness, and even behind the smile, the protection of their own mask, I feel one by one, so from that day, I would like to take care of her, protect her, make her happy. 

Slowly I will be used to everything in her feelings and preferences in mind, I thought it was only as a friend to pay the basic.

One day she told me that she was trying to develop with a man. On the surface I support her to take the initiative, but the heart suddenly felt very lost, my heart secretly hope that they are not below, because I am afraid she will throw me one, I would like her only belong to me one.

If so, this possessive, jealous and let me realize that I may "carelessly" like her, may once again like a woman. Of course, her body with my past favorite character: gentle, humorous, mature. And then every time she mentioned "married" four words, I always feel very sad, not willing, because I can never give her want happiness.

This is a simple love, but also a one-way love. All the time, my inner world, only me alone, i can not believe other people, but she is the first one that can make me really feel connected, rest assured that people who depend on any happy and unhappy things I always hope 

The first time to share with her. I keep on her side, on the one hand I am really happy, but on the other hand, the feeling of guilt has been wrapped around me, as if my feelings for her, betrayed her trust, because she is a good friend Believe me, but I have had a feeling that she should not have.

Yes, once I also asked myself, did I make a mistake? But also question their own feelings is how the same thing, whether to "confuse" what, but the share of jealousy, let me realize that I feel beyond the boundaries of friendship. 

How can I fall in love with a woman, a same-sex friend? In the end I like male or female? It seems that both sides I really live in the feelings, but I can not talk to anyone around the doubts, so I collected a variety of online sexual orientation of the information, in the occasional case, 

I see the guru goldsmith gold race Scale, homosexuality and heterosexuality, in the emotional, social, sexual aspects, there are different degrees of difference, sexual orientation is a flow spectrum, and there are many online bisexual story, so I will Instantly relieved, because of my troubles, other people have experienced, but also accepted I was a bisexual identity.

Since certainly affirmed my sexual orientation, I have to friends "out of the cabinet", because sexual orientation is one of my identity, nothing hidden. In general, their response can be divided into three categories, the first category is no response, generous acceptance and blessing. 

The second category is that they think I am still confusing, "you have not figured out that you are leaning on the side", the subtext is that I can only like a sex. However, I feel most clearly, and their argument, as if to deny my feelings. 

Of course, I have also come from the comrades "casual", "heart", "love" criticism, "then you do not have a lot of development object?", In fact, I am the pursuit of feeling, as each heterosexual or Homosexuals are not necessarily interested in the same sex or homosexuality.

One of the most uncomfortable experiences comes from a man who has a good impression on me (I declare that I am only resentful to him). He will inquire about my feelings from time to time, after several times I really can not stand him, so I admitted to him that I have favorite object. 

When he asked me to show the photo several times, he was so sure that he had to take a picture, and then he would say, "how is a woman?" And then say "You are really avant-garde, but Everyone loves love, loving a person is the love of each other's characteristics, regardless of gender, I just like with this person with the feeling, rather than take the initiative to "choose" a gender The Second,

I really do not understand how bisexual "avant-garde", this is neither a novel concept, nor an experimental nature of things, I just fell in love with a person, happens to be the object is a woman.

Since certainly my sexual orientation, I have deliberately adjusted with the same way to get along with them to keep the appropriate distance to reduce physical contact. At present, I rarely take the initiative to pull the female friends of the arm, and rarely with the female friends say "love you" these words, or too much care to them. 

When they say "love me", I will exhort myself not to think too much, because I know that accidentally, I have the opportunity to fall in love with them, especially in the face of straight women, but also to keep my line of defense, Otherwise the pain will only be me.

Many friends have asked, my sexual orientation and growth background there is no causal relationship. This question is really bad answer, if it is innate, whether it can remove all my criticism, because I can not "choose" my sexual orientation, on behalf of me is "innocent" If the answer is the day after tomorrow, can I take the initiative to "choose" love sex? 

No matter how the answer, it is only a kind of entanglement in the past to explain, can not put any evidence, so this is no question of the problem.

Every time I hear between men and women, pure friendship between the existence of gender issues, now I always laugh at, because I realize that both homosexuality or the opposite sex, pure friendship is not inevitable.